Actually, that reminds me of a Lincoln that was towed into the shop, when I worked at "indys".. The tow truck driver thought it had a dead battery, because it wouldn't turn over...The car was only about three years old, maybe 20,000 miles. So, we checked it out. The battery was good, and fully charged, and the starter and solenoid were in perfect working order, but the engine (460) wouldn't turn.
Three guys with flywheel wrench, and breaker bars couldn't budge the crank, even with the plugs out, the oil looked like asphalt. We pulled the pan....Of course, it wouldn't come off after all of the bolts were removed, but we finally dropped it with the help of two huge pry bars and a shot filled dead-blow hammer. The pan was full of congealed oil...kinda like black Jello®.(if there were such a thing.)
The boss called the customer, who was downright indignant. She couldn't understand why such an expensive and well crafted car would suddenly stop running. Then the truth came out....When she bought the car, the salesman told her that the car was so well made that you never had to do anything but put gas in it, and it would last forever.....She had been driving it for three years and over 20,000 miles without even opening the hood once. Way to go, lady. Now you have the world's largest doorstop.